


Let me go, it's okay. (no, it really is okay)

by cpt_stvngrntrgrs



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Post-Endgame, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, steve and nat as loving parents to james uwu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 13:15:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20174863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cpt_stvngrntrgrs/pseuds/cpt_stvngrntrgrs
Summary: Natasha came to the conclusion that maybe jumping off the cliff in Vormir wasn't such a bad thing after all.Sequel to "I guess we got the better end of the bargain" but can also be read alone.--this was impulsively written bc of an anon curiouscat ask that i received: "what scenario can you make when James Rogers discovers his mother's sacrifice and how his father brought her back?"





	Let me go, it's okay. (no, it really is okay)

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! thank you so much to everyone who read and enjoyed "I guess we got the better end of the bargain"!!! this is for those who asked for a sequel or more post-Endgame James Rogers!! 
> 
> i was initially just going to write a short drabble, but because i'm talkative in real life and in my writing, this turned into a full-on fic that also served as a sequel. i'm very impulsive :3
> 
> tw//  
mention of ptsd/panic attack.

“Come on James, let’s go!!!” Morgan Stark excitedly squealed as she ran out of the house and into the beach. Well, more like a private island. That Morgan technically owns. The moment Morgan was born, Tony has been buying properties here and there for her. Pepper simply can’t stop him - the little girl has her dad wrapped by her pinky before she was even born.

_ “I’m not  _ spoiling _ her, Pep. I’m… securing her future.”  _ Tony argued one time after Pepper found out Tony bought her a beach house. Again. 

“Wait for me ‘Gan!” James called out, jumping off the last three steps of the stairs, which  _ almost _ made Steve wince had he not landed gracefully on his feet. Well, he is his parents’ child and Steve is definitely feeling what Bucky felt when they were younger. His son got all his recklessness with his mother’s elegance, making him their own little daredevil.

“Don’t forget to put on sunblock!” Pepper reminded the kids, standing by the door and watching them run into the water.

“Already got it on, Aunt Peps!” James responded, a bright smile on his face as he turned around to give his aunt a thumbs up before running after Morgan once again. James  _ adored _ his aunt. 

Pepper has been there for Natasha ever since she found out she’s pregnant and has barely left her side since. Natasha’s pregnancy was surprisingly a very calm one, despite worries from her doctors as to what brought the possibility of pregnancy. Their theory of Vormir somehow “healing” her is their best bet for it — with Gamora saying that there’s a possibility, in theory, that a soul that was sacrificed there, if brought back, would be whole again. Since Natasha was the first one who, in a way, was brought back because of time travel, they didn’t really have anyone to compare it to.

The news of Natasha’s pregnancy spread like wildfire to the rest of the Avengers throughout, quite literally, the whole universe. Of course, the moment he caught wind of the news, Clint, Laura, and the kids were in the Compound right away. Laura and Natasha shared a tearful hug — Natasha once confided in Laura about her remorse at not being able to bear children. She couldn’t believe that she’s finally going to get the family she never thought she’d have.

When James was born, it seemed as though an imminent threat was upon Earth once again judging by the number of Avengers and superheroes present. Good thing Natasha and Steve decided to stay at the Compound for the delivery instead of a hospital like Pepper suggested, or else they would’ve sent the general public population into a panic as to why a massive crowd of superheroes is gathered once again.

Out of everyone in the room, the newborn James spent most of his time in the arms of his namesake, Bucky, who cried with Steve and Natasha when James was put in his arms for the first time. Aside from the adults, Morgan, who was 6 at that time, also racked up on snuggling hours with James. She just adored him from the start. She always hovered around, asking about the baby and just playing with him. At one point, she even asked for a baby sibling, which Tony supported until a sharp “No” from Pepper to her husband struck the idea down.

Now, almost 7 years later, Steve watched as James and Morgan ran around in the water, chasing Lila, Cooper, and Nathaniel. Sam was supervising them, holding his daughter’s - Natalie - hand as she tried to play with the kids who are a bit bigger than her. At 5 years old, she’s the youngest of the bunch. Maria Hill and Sam got married a couple of months after James was born, which is what Maria preferred because she wanted Natasha to be there and have fun with them. A little over a year after that, Natalie Wilson was born - named after Natasha. There were a lot of tears from both women that day.

“Dad! Dad!” James high-pitched squeals broke Steve out of his reverie to see his son running to him. He straightened up and kneeled down once James was in front of him.

“What is it? Are you okay?” This became his staple response with James as of lately; he’s becoming more and more accident prone with his recklessness and Steve’s sure it’s making him age twice as fast.

James just giggled at his father’s prodding. “Of course I am, dad. Can I go with Morgan and Coop and Uncle Sam? They’re going cliff-diving! Please please please, dad!” And with that came the puppy eyes.

Steve sighed. Truth be told, he’s too young for those kinds of activities at just 7 years old. But… he also has a mutated version of the serum running through him so he suppose…

“Whatcha boys doings here?” Natasha’s voice cut through Steve’s internal struggles and despite not even seeing her behind him yet, he could already feel the smile spreading across his face. Natasha does have that kind of effect on him.

Steve turned around and stood up to give Natasha a kiss as a greeting. “He wants to go cliff-diving with the kids.” He whispered. As his words sunk in, he noticed Natasha stiffen so he hugged her to his side, his arm firmly latched around her waist. Natasha hasn’t been dealing well with heights since Vormir and honestly, neither does Steve. They’ve mainly used helicarriers or private planes to fly and places like mountains or high elevation were mostly avoided.

“Mommy, please,” James tugged on the hem of Natasha’s sundress, peeking at her with his wide blue eyes, his strawberry-blond hair flopping from the wind.

Natasha offered her son a soft smile before turning to Steve, worry etching her forehead. “Is it safe?” She asked, her voice low.

Steve paused for a moment. “Yes. I know Sam and the others has been there. It’s only 12 feet at most, the water is clear of rocks or anything, and Sam will be watching the kids to catch them. Which means Bucky will be there too.” Natasha didn’t look convinced, her lips still pursed together tightly. “I can wait with them in the water to catch James, if you want.” She seemed to think that over and eventually nodded.

Mustering the courage to smile, Natasha faced James. “Okay, honey, you go with them. But daddy will be going with you, okay? He’s going to be in the water with Uncle Sam and Bucky.”

“What about you, mommy? Can you go with us too?” He asked, eyes glinting with hope.

“Mommy’s not really in the mood to swim today, bud.” Steve supplied for Natasha, seeing her torn look.

“Then mommy can watch me when I jump!” He suggested happily. Steve didn’t miss how Natasha winced at his words. “Please, mommy? Even just once?”

Cursing under her breath, Natasha inhaled deeply and forced a smile, scooping James into her arms. He’s getting taller and taller so she’s savoring every moment that she can still carry him. “Fine. But just once, okay?” James grinned widely and nodded. Steve squeezed Natasha’s shoulder as he signaled for Sam to lead the way.

The “cliff” isn’t really a cliff as much as it is an elevated part on the island. It was only a short eight minute walk from the beach, and there were steps leading up to it to prevent slipping on the ground. James squirmed from Natasha’s arms once they reached the steps and she set him down, letting him run towards the others. Natasha and Steve stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at the top of the “cliff”.

Natasha’s hand shot out to hold Steve’s, gripping it tightly as she took a deep breath while making her way up the stairs. They took slow and calculated steps, as if they were sneaking up behind an enemy. Halfway through, she could see edge, with the children excitedly looking down at the water and chattering amongst each other. Steve gave her hand a squeeze and didn’t move until she does first. They were on the last step of the stairs and the edge and water were completely visible when Natasha tensed up.

“I can’t do this,” she said, voice tight, as she started gasping for air. Steve stood in front of her, grabbing a hold of her; his hand still gripping hers tightly and the other cupping her cheek. “Please get me out of here,” she choked out, her free hand holding onto his shirt. Steve nodded rapidly and was slowly moving to carefully step down from the stairs when they heard their son.

“Mommy! Daddy!” James called out when he saw his parents, not knowing what’s happening. Sam glanced in their way and cursed, running to their direction. He knew the signs of a panic attack and this definitely was one.

“Steve, take her back right away! We’ll follow you guys!” Sam said, assessing Natasha’s look and breathing. This isn’t good; if she doesn’t get to leave on time then —

Before Sam’s worst-case scenario thought finished, it already happened in front of his eyes. Natasha fainted and was caught by Steve’s arms and chest, her head colliding with his shoulder. 

—

“Daddy, is mommy going to be okay?” James tearfully asked Steve. They were both in the guest room’s couch across from the bed, where Natasha is still passed out on.

Steve looked at James and smiled sadly, wiping his son’s tears with his thumbs. “Of course she will be, baby. Mommy’s just… not feeling well.”

“Why did she suddenly get sick when we were at the cliff?” He asked, tilting his head. His brows are scrunched up tightly, a sign that he’s deeply contemplating what happened to his mom. The look almost made Steve chuckle, he couldn’t count how many times Natasha has told him he and James always make the same thoughtful look. Whenever Natasha notices Steve have that look, she always runs her thumb over between his brows to loosen them, and it always helps him calm down. So he did the same with James until he giggled.

Natasha stirred on the bed, rolling over her side, facing them. Steve and James froze, watching whether or not she’s fully awake. When she cracked an eye open, James ran to the bed and into Natasha’s arms before Steve could even stop him.

“Mommy, you’re awake!” James yelled with glee. Steve sat on the couch for a little bit until Natasha’s eyes caught his and he sat next to them on the bed.

“How are you?” Steve asked, stretching his legs in front of him and resting on the headboard. He looked down at her and smoothed the stray locks of her hair. Natasha smiled and pushed to a sitting position, propped by a pillow, next to Steve. She tucked herself under him and James sat between them, Natasha’s arm around him.

“I’m doing fine. Feeling a lot better,” Natasha said with a bitter laugh.

“Mommy what happened to you? I thought you were going to watch me jump! Then I saw you sleeping in daddy’s arms and he and Uncle Sam and Uncle Bucky looked really worried,” James jutted his lower lip out, recalling the events that happened earlier that day.

Natasha looked at Steve with an eyebrow raised. So far, all James knows about his parents and his aunts and uncles is that they’re superheroes and they’re called The Avengers. He’s seen their pictures and videos on TV and even plays with their action figures - leave it to Tony to give the children toys of their  _ parents _ . What they haven’t told him yet, though, is what happened a decade and a half ago that changed the world - and how his parents played a huge role in it.

They really hoped to spare James the whole Thanos story until he’s a bit older - like how Tony told Morgan when she was 10 years old and started asking  _ tons _ of questions as to why her dad is hailed a hero. At that age, she was mature enough to understand the dynamics of what happened, and hopefully, not get nightmares from it.

Well, it’s tricky in Steve and Natasha’s case. How do you explain to your child that his mom  _ died _ and his dad  _ went back in time _ to bring her back? Hell, even a grown adult might not even understand that story, let alone an seven year old.

Natasha cleared her throat. “Well, baby, Mommy had an accident way before you were born,” she started, watching her son’s reaction. When he seemed to understand that, she continued. “Mommy fell off a cliff.” Natasha flinched and Steve started smoothing his thumb over her arm to try to calm her down.

James gasped. “Oh no, mommy! What happened after that? Did it hurt?” came his rapid-fire questions in a worried voice, looking at Natasha with wide eyes.

Natasha paused and narrowed her eyes to think. “No, I don’t think it hurt. And you know why?” James shook his head. “Because daddy saved me.”

Now, James turned to his father with a look of amazement on his face. “Really, dad? You saved mommy?”

Steve glanced at Natasha, his hand traveling to hers and giving it a squeeze as he nodded. “I sure did! I love your mommy very much and I didn’t want her to be hurt so I rescued her.”

James was quiet for a moment, his mouth hanging open as he got a dreamy, far-away look in his eyes. “Wow…” he mumbled. Turning back to Natasha, he asked, “But mommy, why did you get sick earlier?”

Steve and Natasha contemplated the question, thinking of ways to explain panic attacks to young children. “Remember how mommy said she had an accident at a cliff?” Steve asked, to which James nodded. “Well, when mommy saw the cliff earlier, she remembered her accident. Then that made her really sick.” Steve explained, with Natasha humming and stroking James’s hair.

“Really, mommy?” James looked at Natasha, who mumbled a ‘yes’, making him burrow his head into her side. Natasha and Steve looked at each other, alarmed.

“James, baby, what’s wrong?” Natasha asked, her voice soft, after hearing sniffs from him.

James poked his head up a bit, his eyes red with tears. “I’m sorry, mommy!!” he wailed, throwing his arms around her and hiding his face on her side again.

Natasha frowned while Steve rubbed a hand on James’s back. “Baby, why are you sorry?” she tried to poke him so he could talk to them.

James looked up again, looking between Steve and Natasha. “Because I told you to come to the cliff with me,” he sniffed again but didn’t hide this time. His voice sounded so melancholy that it broke Natasha’s and Steve’s hearts.

“Oh, baby, that’s not your fault!” Natasha assured him, propping him up so she could properly hug him, his arms automatically going around her neck. She looked at Steve and raised her eyebrows, telling him to say something. 

To be perfectly honest, he might be able to counsel adults after the snap, but once James start crying, Steve’s emotions gets the better of him. The image in front of him - Natasha holding a crying James - painfully reminded him of his childhood with his mother consoling him when he’s sick or beaten by his father. Really, his child is his biggest weakness.

“James, do you want to know a secret?” Steve asked, inching towards James, his voice low. James peered at him, nodding. “Mommy’s accident may have been a bad thing, but there were so many good things that came out of it.” James pulled away from Natasha, trying to think of what his dad was saying. How can good things come from painful accidents? Wasn’t his mommy hurt? Even Natasha looked taken aback with Steve’s statement.

When neither James or Natasha said anything, Steve continued. “Your mommy saved the world! And then after that, you became our baby! Aren’t those good things?” Steve smiled, seeing James’s eyes brighten at that.

“Mommy, you saved the world too? Like Uncle Tony?” James asked, a bit shocked. He knew his parents were heroes but he didn’t know his mom  _ saved the world _ !

Natasha laughed, nodding along. All these years, the thought of what happened in Vormir still haunts her. She suppose she focused too much on the fact that she  _ died _ on that cliff, and that yeah, sure, her sacrifice got them the soul stone. Well, she  _ knows _ she died, but she doesn’t even  _ remember _ dying. She just remembered falling, then the next thing she knows, she’s taking deep breaths while Steve almost actually crushed her with a hug.

But she had yet to really embrace the fact that honestly, in the end, throwing herself down that cliff isn’t at all that bad. Sure, according to the stories from everyone, she missed one hell of a battle. That fact aside, she still came out all of this as a winner. First of all, she  _ did _ help save the universe, a big help, in fact. Most importantly, the soul stone gave her back what she lost. And now, as she watched Steve play with James, she realized that jumping off that cliff was  _ worth it _ .

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! wow, two fics in two days for me means 4 hours of sleep two days in a row! :D it's ok ily u guys uwu <3
> 
> as for nat's panic attack, please let me know how i did with that scene. i haven't actually experienced nor witnessed a full-blown panic attack so please let me know if that was.... accurate, i guess?
> 
> and if you have twitter, feel free to add my marvel stan account: @cptstvngrntrgrs!! maybe leave me something on cc? xD
> 
> if the title is so corny, let me know lmao


End file.
